Pat Fitzpatrick, Writer for Hire

That’s Typical

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I am on a train in a south American city, naked from the waist down. My ex-girlfriend walks into the carriage and sits down next to me. 

I suddenly remember I used ‘they’re’ instead of ‘there’ in an email to my biggest client. Phew when I wake out of that nightmare. (Although I wouldn’t mind a trip to Brazil.)

I get out of bed. Stuff happens before I have my first cup of coffee, but I can never remember it. There was definitely a shower in there somewhere, because my wife hasn’t left me yet. I think I fed our cats as well, because they can get very cross when they’re hungry. Same goes for our kids.

I’m three gulps of coffee in by 9 am, and ready to put on one of my work faces. The first work-face is my Serious Copywriter One. Here’s what it looks like. 

It’s the face I put on when I’m working for agencies, clients and blue-chip brands, such as SuperValu, Centra, Fexco, AIB, Pedigree, Uncle Ben’s Rice, Foot Solutions, Molson Coor, Dublin Airport Authority and more.

This can involve social media content, brand development, press ads, website copy and much more. Click here to see some recent work  I did with my copywriting face. 

My second face is my Comedy Face. I’m not really that zany, but it was either that or put on a red nose, and you have to draw the line somewhere.

This face is handy when I’m writing my Sunday Independent columns. I’ve been told they’re funny. You can decide for yourself by taking a look at some recent articles.

In my time, I have also written TV scripts for The Mario Rosenstock Show, The Saturday Night Show and the Cutting Edge.

I need a separate face for my spoof agony aunt column for the Irish Examiner, under the guise of all-round-snob and outstanding kisser, Ask Audrey.

I got my hair done specially for that one. (If twitter is your thing, then click here for a whole lot of Audrey.)

Anyone who has small kids will recognise my next work-face.

That’s me in preparation for one of my regular what-it’s-really-like-to-be-a-dad pieces for Eumom.ie and the Irish Examiner.

There’s talk of a book coming out in June 2018, I’d encourage you to buy it as my children need food and three new pairs of shoes a year. 

Finally, I have my clean face. This is where I scrub my face twice (!), because I’m going on RTE’s Today Show to talk nonsense with all-round top presenters, Maura Derrane and Daithi O’Se. Here’s a photo of me shamelessly promoting my 2013 novel, Keep Away from those Ferraris. 

(Just like I did there. Go on, you know you want it. The good news is Amazon still has 34,000 copies of the book in a warehouse just outside Salt Lake City.)

This clean face is similar to the one I use for regular appearances on RTE Radio 1, 2FM and Newstalk. It’s only radio though, so there is no need for scrubbing, or matching socks or any of that fancy carry on.  

Anyway, that’s my day. They’re you have it. (See what I did their?)

If you’d like to hire one of my faces to do the business for your brand, publication or media outlet, I’d love to hear from you.